Understanding Low Self-Esteem: Signs, Causes and How Counselling Can Help.

 What is Low Self Esteem?

 If you often criticise yourself, look at yourself in a negative way, have low confidence, feel that you do not deserve much in life or accept behaviours from others that make you feel unhappy then then you may have low self-esteem. 

Low self-esteem can affect how we view ourselves, our interactions with others and how we feel we can manage our everyday interactions.

What is self-esteem versus low self-esteem?

Self-esteem refers to the way we judge and value ourselves. It influences our self-worth and how confident we feel in our decisions, relationships and in the belief we have in our own abilities. If we have healthy self-esteem, it allows us to see our own strengths, accept our imperfections and take setbacks in life in our stride.

Low self-esteem develops when you have a negative view of yourself. You may use critical language towards yourself, believe that you are not deserving of happiness, success or healthy relationships. You may often position yourself as ‘not good enough’ for something or have difficulty considering your own needs.

Often these beliefs develop over time, and you may be unaware of them on a conscious level. Many factors can contribute to low self-esteem, including repeated criticism, an absence of positive reinforcement, adverse childhood experiences, poor quality relationships, trauma, constant comparison, receiving praise for external achievements only and bullying.

Although low self-esteem can feel like it is ‘just who you are,’ it is not a fixed part of you. With understanding, healthy connections, support from loved ones or a counsellor, and time and space to be able to reassess your view of yourself, many individuals find they can challenge long held and unhelpful beliefs about themself. With this challenging comes a more balanced view of themselves and a more robust self-esteem can be cultivated.

But what does low self-esteem actually look like?

Low self-esteem can affect how you feel both physically, socially and emotionally. It can show up in many ways and not everyone may experience the same symptoms.

Emotional

Emotional responses to low self-esteem might include worrying about being judged or making mistakes. There may be a reluctance to ‘count yourself in’ when considering others’ needs and you may have feelings of shame, guilt, sadness, or worthlessness. You may talk to yourself negatively and use harsh self-criticism. You may feel less resilient than others and feel things are ‘getting on top of you.’ You might feel intense discomfort receiving praise from others or may feel it is untrue or that you don’t deserve it…feeling as if they are ‘just being kind to you.’

Social

Socially, you may find yourself avoiding new opportunities, automatically feeling you will be unable to achieve or that you are not worthy of the chance.  The worry of ‘messing up’ might be all consuming and stop you even considering new challenges. If you struggle with low self-esteem, others might describe you as a ‘people-pleaser.’ This may mean that you find yourself keeping the peace more than you are comfortable doing, or you may struggle when it comes to setting and keeping your own boundaries.

Physical

Due to the high burden of stress associated with low self-esteem, you may feel fatigued. Your sleep and appetite may be affected, either by sleeping or eating too much or too little. You may start to feel bodily tension that may manifest as headaches and stomach problems. Over time, you may start to avoid self-care altogether, neglecting yourself or your health needs.

If these symptoms sound familiar and are impacting your mental health, therapy for low self-esteem can help. Counselling can explore with you where these feelings come from, why you feel this way, and how to build your self-esteem, confidence, and resilience. People seek counselling for low self-esteem for many different reasons. If how you feel about yourself and your own worth starts to impact your mental health and well-being, it could be a sign to seek support.

What causes low self-esteem?

Everyone will be affected by different things that have influenced their self-esteem. For some people, self-esteem can be affected suddenly, for example after a stressful life event. For others, low self-esteem may have been building for a long-time, affected by chronic life experiences.

Frequently, your own beliefs about yourself are constructed in your early years. You may have experienced parents, carers or authority figures who were critical and disapproving. Receiving a lot of criticism in childhood may lead you to develop a belief that you’re ‘not good enough’. Being bullied in childhood can also have a lasting effect long after the bullying stops. 

As an adult, there are also many types of life events that may negatively affect your self-esteem.

These may include:

• having relationship problems

• experiencing any kind of abuse, discrimination, or stigma

• body image worries

• physical health problems

• living with disabilities or chronic health conditions

• ongoing stress or difficulties at work or school

• problems with money or housing

• losing your job, or finding it hard to get a job

• gaslighting

Society, mainstream and social media influences.

All through our lives we are influenced by society and the media. We receive a lot of information unconsciously, like societal expectations, beauty ideals, and gender stereotypes through society and social and mainstream media. These are often treated as facts. It can feel difficult  to separate our self-worth from these ideas.

With the ease and convenience of accessing social media especially, we have insights into what we believe are other people’s lives, thoughts and opinions. However, much of what we see is curated, perfected and untrue. However  used correctly, social media can have the power to improve self-esteem and body image by offering diversity and inspirational accounts.

By understanding the source of your low self-esteem, you can start taking steps to build it up. Counselling can help you to explore this.

Low self-esteem and mental health

If you have experienced low self-esteem for some time, you may find it is affecting your mental health. This can lead to conditions such as depression and anxiety.

You may find that low self-esteem makes socialising feel difficult, which can lead to feeling isolated and lonely. Some people may rely on unhelpful coping strategies or habits when living with low self-esteem such as drinking too much alcohol or abusing drugs. This can lead you to feeling more depressed, anxious and isolated.

How can counselling help low self-esteem?

Building self-esteem can feel difficult to do alone. Working with a counsellor, can help you to explore where your self-opinion originates from and together you can work on challenging your own self-limiting beliefs. By developing more awareness of how your personal history may be affecting who you are today can be life changing.

How to overcome low self-esteem

Overcoming low self-esteem often involves a combination of professional support and personal reflection. Although self-help strategies can help, many people prefer counselling for low self-esteem. Therapy allows them to safely explore the roots of their negative beliefs, whilst providing guidance on how to challenge and change these beliefs. Self-compassion is an important component in overcoming low self-esteem.

What can you do to start helping yourself improve your low self-esteem?

It can be helpful to try and:

• Notice and challenge any negative self-talk.

• Prioritise your emotional needs and wants. This includes making self-care a priority.

• Learn how to set healthier boundaries in your relationships and practise sticking to them.

• Start practising self-compassion, rather than self-blame.

• Set small, achievable goals to help you rebuild your confidence, one step at a time.

Change often happens gradually, but with the right help and support, it is possible to build lasting self-worth.

If you would like to discuss counselling for self-esteem, please contact info@albacounselling.org for a no obligation discussion.