New Year, New You...How's That Going?

(and how does that fit in with boundaries?)

January has a way of heralding many new promises...not without some pressure too. Be fitter, thinner, stronger...altogether better. Spend less, look better, revamp your relationship, travel more, worry less. It feels exhausting. However, often behind these 'resolutions' there is actually a desire to feel seen, heard, calm and emotionally connected.

So what if the New Year is not so much about doing more...but doing less and being more? Now that we are in February what if you were to do a mental stock -take of your last year...what would it tell you?

What was your last year actually telling you?

If you were to open your camera roll from 2025...what story would it tell you? Can you see the times you felt lifted and happy? Who were you with? What were you doing? What about the times you felt drained and disconnected? What was going on in your life during these times? This isn't about you being self critical...it's about you mentally auditing all the moments in the last year that filled you with joy, gave you peace or depleted you.

What if you made two lists now...a more of this list and a less of this list.

Whilst you may not have noticed in the moment what was going on, by making these lists you may start to see patterns in what keeps you feeling light and connected and what leaves you feeling heavy and drained. This type of reflection may bring up realisations of things in your life that are not serving you..and in turn emotions that you have been trying to hold down. You may see times you have looked OK on the outside but felt overwhelmed internally. It may have shown up in perfectionism, irritability, poor eating and sleeping habits or feeling responsible for everyone else's feelings. You may even feel like you don't matter to anyone.

What can you do to change how you feel in 2026?

Learning to set boundaries can transform your life. Boundaries are never about punishing anyone else...but they are about keeping you safe, both emotionally and physically and creating respectful relationships. Some boundaries are easy to put into place...telling a colleague not to leave empty cups on your desk or your sibling to not change channels whilst you are watching a programme ..but some may feel harder...like telling a partner not to keep disrespecting you or to honour your difference of opinions, or to tell parents they can't call in and see you at anytime.

How can you help yourself set boundaries?

Ensuring that friends, family members and partners honour your boundaries can feel really challenging, especially when they may not agree with them, or may have a habit of doing as they wish. However, even though it feels challenging, it's often essential in preserving your own balance and well-being. When setting boundaries, you must firstly know what you want for yourself, what you expect from other people in your life, and what you will accept from them. Importantly, you must also accept that other people may not want to respect your boundaries, and you must decide what the outcome will be for you that enables you to maintain your boundaries. This may feel particularly tough if you have been used to not putting your needs first.

If you find it tough setting boundaries and sticking to them...you may believe you are less worthy than others and that your needs are less important. Telling others that they have violated your boundaries might feel like bringing consequences that are too painful. That in turn may mean you lose sight of your own wants and needs, creating patterns whereby you end up feeling depleted and lacking in self worth and continuing to accept behaviours and situations that make you feel drained and disconnected (remember the lists made from your camera roll?)

Gratitude without pretending that everything is ok

If you found looking over your camera roll shows you that the last year was difficult and your boundaries were disrespected, then gratitude for the small things that went well for you can help. This is not about denial or a type of toxic positivity, but it is about reinforcing the idea that by recognising the good that exists in your life, however small, in turn can help to soothe your central nervous system. Research shows that benefits from practicing gratitude can include improved mental health and fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety.* Start here, and create boundaries to take care of the glimmers, no matter how small, in order to protect and grow your own self-worth.

Sometimes the most meaningful change isn't found in the grand gestures or in the dramatic statements. It's found in the quiet decision to choose that you matter. It's not about the 'New Year, New Me'... it is simply about choosing yourself, choosing to protect your mental health and to believe that simply being you is enough.

• Diniz G, Korkes L et al. The Effects of Gratitude Interventions: A Systematic Review and Meta Analysis. Einsten ( San Paulo). 2023.